HAPPY

I didn’t know lizards could make you feel sad.

l remember whenever I go to the garden and you were there. And I would be tending to my plants and you would just be there, frenzied and expectant, as if thinking I was there to bother the lizards for you so you could chase them. You would be so excited you would hit my legs running to and fro. But I would be ignoring you, letting you be.  Delighted somewhat that something so ordinary could be met with great alacrity.

But then your sight became weaker. I notice you yapping more often–louder, and you stumble more, bumping constantly at my legs, getting unbalanced.  Before, when I say, “sit!”, you would know right away that I have pan de sal in my hand and you would sit immediately, waiting for the beloved bread to fall in front of you, but, suddenly, that glee from your face was replaced with googly looks, snapping confusedly at a piece of treat that hasn’t fallen yet.

And my heart knew.

As usual, I let you be. You don’t know what age is all about, anyway, and why people are so obsessed with them. I bet the lizards you are chasing are more important to you.

Then, all at once,you are gone.

I went to the garden today.
It was quiet.

It somehow seemed bigger, desolate.
No one was bumping at me.
I was thinking I should rearrange my plants. That maybe I could finally put them on the ground since there are no more dogs to destroy them.

But then I saw a lizard while I was watering the plants.

I sprayed at it.

It skittered away.

I was successful chasing it back behind the pots.

I smiled but I wondered why I did it.
I’ve never done it before.

No one is chasing the lizards anymore.

I never knew lizards could make you feel sad.